


Catalyst of the modern age

by canadianwheatpirates



Category: Elsewhere University (Webcomic)
Genre: First Person, Gen, Magical Realism, Physics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 11:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9892892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canadianwheatpirates/pseuds/canadianwheatpirates
Summary: "Set the Newton’s Cradle going again if you pass it and it’s at rest; don’t go into the ice labs without a partner and a box of matches. What few safety protocols you learned in high school or at your old university will not be enough to protect you here."A discussion of the physicists of Elsewhere University.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A thematically related piece to It's Tough Being A Truth-Seeker, this time about physics majors. Cross-posted from tumblr because entropy reigns supreme.

Ah, physics. Catalyst of the modern age. Not a bad major to pick at Elsewhere, to be honest. It’s the hard science brother of mathematics; there are more jobs that it’ll give you a leg up in than math, but the cost is that people expect you to actually be useful. The curriculum is solid and well-taught, as with every other subject offered.

The department, like most, has its own rules alongside Elsewhere’s usual traditions. Set the Newton’s Cradle going again if you pass it and it’s at rest; don’t go into the ice labs without a partner and a box of matches. What few safety protocols you learned in high school or at your old university will not be enough to protect you here. Trust your peers, but show them no mercy if their actions put you in danger. 

Physics as a discipline tends to be of little interest to the gentry; they greet human laws with chittering laughter, regardless of what those laws may pertain to, and the world outside the Elsewhere fails to hold their interest. Most students find this comforting, taking solace in the fact that they’re so bland that they get passed over in favour of bright music majors or brooding poets. The exception is, of course, quantum physics; where Newtonian physics is more clear-cut and definite, quantum physics is a probabilistic snarl of unreality that They love to use as an inroads into your mind. Extra wards are always advised for anyone taking papers with quantum theory in the syllabus, particularly PHSI231 and 331, and never forget that the words “unified field theory” are both an invocation and a curse.

Befriend the math majors. You’ll be in their classes anyway, at least until third year, thanks to the overlap between your subjects; they’ll help you when the integrals of a Gaussian surface make you want to cry, and the price of that help is always lower for people they see as being one of them. Math is your greatest asset here, so stay on top of it. I can’t count the number of wily kids who’ve bargained their way out of trouble with Euclid’s algorithm, though be warned that They are vengeful if They think you’re trying to trick Them (math is so arcane to Them that They can’t tell whether you are, and it agitates Them something fierce). 

A key bonus to being a physicist is that we have some of the sickest trade trinkets around. I bought a 20 pack of plastic rattlebacks when I went home for Christmas and man it’s easy to bargain when the person you’re offering one to can’t figure out how it works; They have the physics knowledge of your average eight-year-old and just as much fascination with bottle tornadoes. Provided you don’t trade in the same kind of trinket as another student (simple enough, if you coordinate), it’s only a hair short of a captive market.

Elsewhere’s campus is essentially a giant panic attack for a physicist, so I would advise against studying it too closely. Oh, there’s plenty of mystery to be had should you choose to pursue it: the mind-bending spacetime issues down in the library sub-basements, the fact that They seem to just waltz all over the law of conservation of energy, the way the pressure of the diving pool refuses to obey a linear relationship with its depth. Word from the stats majors has it that we’re second for “most counselling sessions per student”, trailing the English majors by a fair margin, and they’re currently investigating an in-group split between those of us who chase extracurricular research and those who have more normal hobbies. Should this path call you, speak quietly of your theories and choose your confidants carefully; They hate being quantified as much as They hate change and iron and salt. A handful of jealously-guarded google docs are the only remnants of the team who were looking into whether rare-earth magnets hurt Them more than regular iron, and it’s said the students who proposed that magic is simply a manipulation of quantum-level probabilities were never seen or heard from again after spring break.

When it comes time to choose a focus for your studies, the world is yours; each discipline has its own powers. Pick the one that drives you the most, the one you want to unpick until every aspect of it is laid bare at your feet, the one where every new discovery makes you howl victory against the infinite chaos of the universe. Astrophysics is as romantic a choice here as it is at other universities, and your knowledge of the planets and what lies beyond them will fascinate gentry and humans alike; keep the reclassification of Pluto as secret as you name, though, lest you upset Them. The laser labs are also popular, teaching the practice of harnessing sunfire itself and turning it to your will. Electronics will get you into bed with some of the engineers – physically or literally, it’s up to you – and the way your hair stands on end from the static is one of the best defences against unwanted attention this side of the mystical. Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice; so it has always been in the Elsewhere physics department.

Come hang out in our labs and workrooms, even if you’re not a physics kid! They’re pretty good about tours if you’re polite, and we could use some company while we re-rig the pendulum wall. Oh, and a piece of advice, freely given and passed up the years from Einstein himself: nothing happens until something moves.


End file.
